That old familiar song……with new lyrics

I haven’t been making skirts this week, I’ve been cutting out little girl’s dresses for my niece’s wedding at the end of April.

I have struggled with this down home project so much more than with skirt making, feeling anxious, suffering from avoidance and feelings of insecurity!!!

It’s doing my head in.

I have had to stop my furtive darting up to Rathdowne Remnants for a bit of tuile to try and analyze these crazy emotions……..I have had to take deep breaths to calm myself…..why?

I’ve decided its the backstop thing. Years ago when my parents were alive this would not have been my job. Mum would have brought her patience, skill and love to this project and she would have made 3 beautiful little dresses…for my daughters and another.

I can’t pass the ball to her, I have to do this myself.

The truth is that I have enough skill to do the job myself, but I want it to be done by her. I want to hear her muttering over pattern pieces, I want to have those conversations about measurements, heights, differences and similarities, fabric drop and colour. I want to make her a cup of coffee and a sandwich while she sews.

I would not be making skirts if it were not for her and the hours we spent making things. I watched her make my sister’s wedding dress, bridesmaid dresses, party frocks, hand knitted jumpers, dressing gowns, and so many other things. If it could made she would do it.

She passed her skills on to me with relish and even though I have been a mother myself for quite a while and I have not been a daughter for more than 15 years, I like to think that she would be pleased with my current pursuits.